May 12th /// Dear Diary
Oct 18, 2018 11:19:59 GMT -5
Post by dizzy on Oct 18, 2018 11:19:59 GMT -5
I started this in March and I actually like it a lot. It's about a girl that's a little mental. I hope you enjoy reading what I have so far and I would love some feedback if you read it. I would love to continue working on it when I get some rare free time. The character speaking calling herself "xxx" isn't a fancy plot device I just haven't come up with a name yet.
/// Dear Diary
May 13th
“Dear Diary,” no, that sounds stupid. You aren’t a person.
“Hello, Diary!”, no, that is too upbeat.
“Greetings, Diary.” no, too formal. We are starting a friendship, not a business.
“Hey, Diary, I am xxx, it’s really nice to meet you. I am starting my junior year in high school and my mother thought it would be a great idea to take you with me. I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends. Or, friend I should say. I don’t know too many people and I don’t like to throw around the term friend lightly. Candace is my best friend but only by process of elimination. I don’t see my friend Jason enough to label him as my best friend. Candace has lots of other friends though. I am very loyal and dedicated to my friends as long as they are dedicated to me. Candace and I have had some problems in the past due to her dedication to her other friends but I try not to let that get to me. Lots of people, probably even most people wouldn’t have any problem with their friend having other friends. People say I am weird or different and I assume that is what they are referring to: my jealousy and lack of sharing other people. I have a little personal space issue as well. Once I am dedicated to my friend I never want to let them go. If I could spend every hour of my life with them I would. Every minute, every second, with my favorite person! God! That would be heaven in its own. Nobody seems to feel that way for me though. Not in a romantic sense, in friendship, of course. People want to be friends with me but they don’t put in that dedication that I’m wishing for. I am not saying that my friends can’t have other friends but I want to be their best friend. I want to be the friend they go to first and check up on every once in a while. I want to be that friend they know everything about and wants to hang out with them whenever they can. I want to be that friend that when they wake up in the morning they are ecstatic and think ‘I get to see xxx today!’. But that won’t happen, because people aren’t like me. Others are ‘normal’ and I am ‘weird’. I wish I could change how my brain worked; I wish I could stop being ‘weird’ and just be like everybody else. But that would be boring, would it not, Diary?”
“Hey, Diary, just checking in again. It’s nice that we got acquainted so quickly. I feel like I was rambling when we talked earlier. I tend to go on a tangent when I’m alone. I don’t know anything about you yet! Let’s see, what questions can I ask a diary… What kind of tree are you made of? That’s just silly now, this is why people say you’re weird! I’ll stop talking. I have studying to do anyway. My grades are slowly dropping and classes are getting harder. I hate when others say a subject is easy when it clearly isn’t. Why does everyone else in my class have a 4.0 and I have a 3.5? We are in the same classes, the same difficult classes, but they find them easy? Am I doing something wrong? I am quite intelligent but I can’t seem to catch up to my friends. Ah, I said friends again. My classmates and Candace. They are far surpassing me in my studies. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention Jason. He doesn’t go to my school. He actually lives in another state. That’s why I never get to see him. This whole thing is depressing. This is only my second entry to you, Diary, I shouldn’t feel this way. The happiness of meeting you can’t wear off this soon. It’s already 11:25 I need to get some sleep now. Goodnight, Diary.”
May 14th
“Hey, Diary, I’m in study hall. Let me show you around. We’re in the third classroom from the entrance which is my favorite classroom. There’s a whiteboard that covers the whole wall and it normally has some kind of slander written on it by one of the class idiots but it’s already been cleaned off today. The teacher, Mrs. Summers, never pays attention to us during study hall. That’s why I love it here. People forget about me all the time, but here it’s okay! The less attention people pay to me the better if it means less work for me to do. I especially love study hall because I can just sit in my hoodie and write like I am now. In the past I didn’t have you so I would write in my old notebook. I still have a few pages from it at home if you want to read them someday. I don’t know what I would do without you, Diary. You keep me from doing some bad things. I know we haven’t known each other very long but it feels like I have known you for years. At least 5 years, 10, 15, forever! All 17 years of my life I have known you! We have been together forever! The class bell is ringing? No, that’s just one of the class idiots pulling a prank. Mrs. Summers does not like the pranks very much. Last week the class clown Ethan brought a fake snake into the classroom and hid it under Mrs. Summer’s desk. As you could expect it didn’t end very well. Can you believe we’ve been talking for 45 minutes already? Time really flies when you have to write everything to have a conversation. Oh, how I wish you could talk, Diary! So much more we could talk about, so many more stories we could share! But alas, you are a diary, and I am a girl. A wonderful, beautiful, kind, lonely, girl. I wish I could have a real friend, not simply a book that is forced to like me and listen to my stories. Do I bore you, Diary? I do my honest best not to. These are the only stories I have to tell. Candace doesn’t like my stories. She doesn’t tell me stories either. She must not like stories much. The real bell is ringing. I must go now. Good-bye, Diary.”
May 15th
“Hey, Diary, I am sorry I couldn’t return yesterday. I had so much work to get done. I figure I shouldn’t tell you more boring stories. I’ll tell you more about me so you can get to know me better. I have a few things written down from a few years back that I’ll tape in you. On you? I’m not sure how that terminology would work.
Xxx’s Standards of Best Friendship
1. I am your best friend so you should want to see me and talk to me the most.
2. When you get the chance to partner up with me, take it!
3. Don’t talk to me when you’re bored, talk to me when you feel like talking to me which should be always.
4. Listen to the music I listen to
5. Like my pets and love on them
6. Tell others about how amazing I am
7. Post some pictures to show that I am your best friend and nobody else
8. Remember, the title says best, so I am the best you have.
I don’t think that’s asking for much. I do those things in return so that’s not a lot. People seem to think that’s a lot. It’s just my loyal dedication! If I am loyal to one person and they are loyal to me, everything would run smoothly. Why can’t people be more like me? I’m awesome. Whenever I say that people tack on that I’m humble as well but I think they are being sarcastic. If everybody were as dedicated to their friends as I am then everybody would be happy. I don’t think all people really deserve happiness, but the good people that do could all be so happy together. I guess I should clarify what I mean by good people. Of course nobody that is in prison can make the ‘good person’ list. Unless there was an error and they were framed which caused their arrest; if those were the circumstances, they still have a chance of making the list. If you harm animals, you do not make the list. Fishing does not count as harming as long as the fish is eaten, not mounted. The same rules apply to hunting; if the animal is eaten and the furs or horns are used, you can still make the ‘good person’ list. I’m sure you would be a good person, Diary. That’s if you were a person, that is. I hear lots of remarks about recent overpopulation. In the coming years the world will be growing too rapidly for resources to be found. I think the good people should get the resources first. It would be quite difficult to get the whole world to follow a system in which they are graded and can only purchase certain items. Could the government split off the good and bad people and house us separately? Then we can eliminate the bad people when necessary? I don’t mean to scare you, Diary, by ‘eliminate’ I mean a mercy killing, of course. Like those done in prisons for murderers placed under the death sentence. It would be merciful because we cut off their resources and starving would be far more painful than being injected with a lethal poison. Ah, I appear to be going off on a tangent again. My hand is starting to cramp from all this writing. I may return later tonight or maybe tomorrow morning. I have a party to go to tomorrow, a birthday party of one of my classmates. I’ll be sure to fill you in on how it goes. I will talk to you later, Diary.”
May 17th
“Hey, Diary, I apologize that I couldn’t talk to you yesterday. The party ended quite late and I fell asleep before I got a chance to tell you what happened. My desk neighbor, Suzy, turned 18 yesterday. The party was hosted at her mansion of a house and she spent almost the whole party practically licking her boyfriend’s face on the couch. Some of her friends played dumb drunks and flirted with the other boys at the party. There was no real alcohol at the party since were all minors but a handful of smokes went around for the big kids. This probably doesn’t sound like the party for me, and it wasn’t, but the whole school was invited. Suzy is that kind of girl: she doesn’t care who is there to celebrate and give her gifts as long as she gets them. Near the end of the party Suzy took her boyfriend upstairs to her room and I’ll only guess what happened there. I don’t see the appeal but most of my school does. There are probably only 20 other virgins in the building and by the end of the party maybe only 4 under this roof. I stay up quite late at night but even I was getting tired. The music was way too loud for my liking and wasn’t even a genre I enjoyed. It was at least 2 in the morning before people started heading home. I realized I was quite hungry and ended up eating some mini sandwiches from Suzy’s fridge. I doubt they would notice that the mini sandwiches were gone, and even if they did notice they wouldn’t know it was me. Other idiots were hijacking the refrigerator all night. I guess I have called myself an idiot by copying them, but a little self-awareness is always good to have. After I swallowed down my sandwiches this amazing guy started walking my way. I don’t know how I knew he was amazing saying as I had never met him, but something about his walk and his laugh and his smile. I think what appealed to me most was that he was alone, just like me. He had no guys with him, no girl wrapped around his finger, just a nice guy enjoying a birthday party. I felt awkward due to my staring but he never looked over. I don’t know how I’ve gone to the same high school this long and never have seen this- this perfect man. I found Candace in the distant back of the house and she told me his name is James. I’ve always loved the name James. Candace questioned why I wanted to know his name and laughed that he ‘wasn’t even good-looking’. I don’t know who Candace was looking at because he was one of the finest men I had ever seen. He was a bit shorter than me, but I don’t care too much for appearance; if you are a good person and good friend, I don’t care what you look like. I mean, I did care very much about his fineness, God! He was fine… And so was I, in that moment, in every moment, I was and am one of the finest. In my eyes, my ‘weirdness’ he was just as fine as me. I… seem to be drawing a blank… I don’t know when I left or when I got home but I am home now. It’s already 3 in the afternoon! I am wasting my Sunday. I’ll have to look for James at school tomorrow. I can’t seem to shake the thought of him! Those deep eyes… that laugh… I wish you were there to hear it. I will see you after school tomorrow, Diary.”
May 18th
“Diary! Oh, Diary! You will never believe it! I spent my lunchtime with James. The magnificent James! He is just brilliant, he can say anything and I fall more and more for him. In friendship, of course, Diary. We have so much in common! Such a shocking amount! It was almost planned, yes, planned. He was made for me, Diary! We have the same hobbies and skills and intellect! He despises dumb conversation as much as I do and suffers from loneliness as I do! It is almost too good to be true, no, nothing can ruin this. Perfection is defined by this boy and by me. We are both perfect people and therefore combined as an unstoppable force that cannot be reckoned with! I am getting ahead of myself; we only talked for a mere 20 minutes. Ah, but those were the best 20 minutes of my life. I cannot recall another 20 minutes that were better than those spent with my best friend James. Yes, my best friend James. He is a better friend to me than Candace and I have only known him for half an hour. That is quite sad in fact. Candace should be displeased but she won’t due to her lack of dedication to me. A true best friend would not have allowed this James to swoop in and take the spotlight. No, Candace should have defended her title. I don’t feel bad for taking it from her and giving it to James. My best friend James and I don’t have any classes together. We only get to meet for lunch but that is still daily meeting so I can’t complain, I suppose. I haven’t mentioned yet to you, Diary, that I hate sports. Or, better phrased, I hate watching sports. I play sports, which I quite enjoy, but I hate to watch. James plays football and I would kill to see him play football. As much as I truly hate watching sports, I would love to watch James play his sport. You may think I am exaggerating my hatred for sports if I will go watch a football game but I truly could not think of a more boring task. I am going to watch James. That sounds a bit like a stalker, but no, I am supporting my best friend and his team. There is nothing wrong with that! Yes, I will go to his football game tomorrow. Maybe we can get milkshakes after their victory?”
May 19th
“Hey, Diary, last night didn’t go too well. James’ team lost pretty badly and he was pretty upset. I tried to calm him down but he seemed to have forgotten me? He jerked away from me and said ‘I barely know you!’ which hit me hard. We’ve known each other for as long as I can remember. The memories we’ve shared together… meant nothing to him? I bought him something at the store before the big game but I suppose I’ll keep it for myself. The list shortens: my acquaintance James, my best friend Candace, and my deeply missed friend Jason. I’ll call Jason after I finish up with you, Diary. He must be missing me too. We were inseparable buds back in the day. Jason and xxx. We were practically conjoined. I was never seen without my bud Jason. He kept me sane. That isn’t to say I am now insane, he just kept me alive. That isn’t to say I am not alive, he just kept me happy. I guess I am neither truly happy nor sad. I don’t have that much fun anymore. Things that were fun in the past are still fun now but I don’t get to do them as often. I think it is really odd the number of depressed teenagers. It’s too early in life to be depressed. Having a job sounds really stressful so I can see how adults would be stressed and depressed, but kids? Kids should be carefree. The news is always talking about the increased number of suicides in teenagers. I could never imagine committing suicide. I mean, I could imagine it, but that’s as far as I could go. Imagination. That’s all I have most of the times. Imaginary friends, imaginary success, an imaginary life… Sometimes I really want to kill somebody but doesn’t everybody? I suppose that’s another thing that makes me weird? See, if somebody is ‘weird’ they think what they are doing is ‘normal’ but the ‘normal’ people don’t. So if I think that wanting to kill somebody every once in a while is normal, does that make me weird? If other people think it too, does that make me normal? Or is everyone weird? I would never actually kill anybody. Only crazy people do that; or people with real motive. I have no motive to kill anybody and I’m not crazy so I would never kill somebody. If I had nothing to lose that could count as a motive, but I have plenty to lose. I would lose Candace and my old buddy Jason. And I would lose my life as well due to the death penalty. I don’t want to lose my life; I am not willing to risk that. This is getting quite morbid. I’ll go to bed now. Goodnight, Diary.”
/// Dear Diary
May 13th
“Dear Diary,” no, that sounds stupid. You aren’t a person.
“Hello, Diary!”, no, that is too upbeat.
“Greetings, Diary.” no, too formal. We are starting a friendship, not a business.
“Hey, Diary, I am xxx, it’s really nice to meet you. I am starting my junior year in high school and my mother thought it would be a great idea to take you with me. I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends. Or, friend I should say. I don’t know too many people and I don’t like to throw around the term friend lightly. Candace is my best friend but only by process of elimination. I don’t see my friend Jason enough to label him as my best friend. Candace has lots of other friends though. I am very loyal and dedicated to my friends as long as they are dedicated to me. Candace and I have had some problems in the past due to her dedication to her other friends but I try not to let that get to me. Lots of people, probably even most people wouldn’t have any problem with their friend having other friends. People say I am weird or different and I assume that is what they are referring to: my jealousy and lack of sharing other people. I have a little personal space issue as well. Once I am dedicated to my friend I never want to let them go. If I could spend every hour of my life with them I would. Every minute, every second, with my favorite person! God! That would be heaven in its own. Nobody seems to feel that way for me though. Not in a romantic sense, in friendship, of course. People want to be friends with me but they don’t put in that dedication that I’m wishing for. I am not saying that my friends can’t have other friends but I want to be their best friend. I want to be the friend they go to first and check up on every once in a while. I want to be that friend they know everything about and wants to hang out with them whenever they can. I want to be that friend that when they wake up in the morning they are ecstatic and think ‘I get to see xxx today!’. But that won’t happen, because people aren’t like me. Others are ‘normal’ and I am ‘weird’. I wish I could change how my brain worked; I wish I could stop being ‘weird’ and just be like everybody else. But that would be boring, would it not, Diary?”
“Hey, Diary, just checking in again. It’s nice that we got acquainted so quickly. I feel like I was rambling when we talked earlier. I tend to go on a tangent when I’m alone. I don’t know anything about you yet! Let’s see, what questions can I ask a diary… What kind of tree are you made of? That’s just silly now, this is why people say you’re weird! I’ll stop talking. I have studying to do anyway. My grades are slowly dropping and classes are getting harder. I hate when others say a subject is easy when it clearly isn’t. Why does everyone else in my class have a 4.0 and I have a 3.5? We are in the same classes, the same difficult classes, but they find them easy? Am I doing something wrong? I am quite intelligent but I can’t seem to catch up to my friends. Ah, I said friends again. My classmates and Candace. They are far surpassing me in my studies. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t mention Jason. He doesn’t go to my school. He actually lives in another state. That’s why I never get to see him. This whole thing is depressing. This is only my second entry to you, Diary, I shouldn’t feel this way. The happiness of meeting you can’t wear off this soon. It’s already 11:25 I need to get some sleep now. Goodnight, Diary.”
May 14th
“Hey, Diary, I’m in study hall. Let me show you around. We’re in the third classroom from the entrance which is my favorite classroom. There’s a whiteboard that covers the whole wall and it normally has some kind of slander written on it by one of the class idiots but it’s already been cleaned off today. The teacher, Mrs. Summers, never pays attention to us during study hall. That’s why I love it here. People forget about me all the time, but here it’s okay! The less attention people pay to me the better if it means less work for me to do. I especially love study hall because I can just sit in my hoodie and write like I am now. In the past I didn’t have you so I would write in my old notebook. I still have a few pages from it at home if you want to read them someday. I don’t know what I would do without you, Diary. You keep me from doing some bad things. I know we haven’t known each other very long but it feels like I have known you for years. At least 5 years, 10, 15, forever! All 17 years of my life I have known you! We have been together forever! The class bell is ringing? No, that’s just one of the class idiots pulling a prank. Mrs. Summers does not like the pranks very much. Last week the class clown Ethan brought a fake snake into the classroom and hid it under Mrs. Summer’s desk. As you could expect it didn’t end very well. Can you believe we’ve been talking for 45 minutes already? Time really flies when you have to write everything to have a conversation. Oh, how I wish you could talk, Diary! So much more we could talk about, so many more stories we could share! But alas, you are a diary, and I am a girl. A wonderful, beautiful, kind, lonely, girl. I wish I could have a real friend, not simply a book that is forced to like me and listen to my stories. Do I bore you, Diary? I do my honest best not to. These are the only stories I have to tell. Candace doesn’t like my stories. She doesn’t tell me stories either. She must not like stories much. The real bell is ringing. I must go now. Good-bye, Diary.”
May 15th
“Hey, Diary, I am sorry I couldn’t return yesterday. I had so much work to get done. I figure I shouldn’t tell you more boring stories. I’ll tell you more about me so you can get to know me better. I have a few things written down from a few years back that I’ll tape in you. On you? I’m not sure how that terminology would work.
Xxx’s Standards of Best Friendship
1. I am your best friend so you should want to see me and talk to me the most.
2. When you get the chance to partner up with me, take it!
3. Don’t talk to me when you’re bored, talk to me when you feel like talking to me which should be always.
4. Listen to the music I listen to
5. Like my pets and love on them
6. Tell others about how amazing I am
7. Post some pictures to show that I am your best friend and nobody else
8. Remember, the title says best, so I am the best you have.
I don’t think that’s asking for much. I do those things in return so that’s not a lot. People seem to think that’s a lot. It’s just my loyal dedication! If I am loyal to one person and they are loyal to me, everything would run smoothly. Why can’t people be more like me? I’m awesome. Whenever I say that people tack on that I’m humble as well but I think they are being sarcastic. If everybody were as dedicated to their friends as I am then everybody would be happy. I don’t think all people really deserve happiness, but the good people that do could all be so happy together. I guess I should clarify what I mean by good people. Of course nobody that is in prison can make the ‘good person’ list. Unless there was an error and they were framed which caused their arrest; if those were the circumstances, they still have a chance of making the list. If you harm animals, you do not make the list. Fishing does not count as harming as long as the fish is eaten, not mounted. The same rules apply to hunting; if the animal is eaten and the furs or horns are used, you can still make the ‘good person’ list. I’m sure you would be a good person, Diary. That’s if you were a person, that is. I hear lots of remarks about recent overpopulation. In the coming years the world will be growing too rapidly for resources to be found. I think the good people should get the resources first. It would be quite difficult to get the whole world to follow a system in which they are graded and can only purchase certain items. Could the government split off the good and bad people and house us separately? Then we can eliminate the bad people when necessary? I don’t mean to scare you, Diary, by ‘eliminate’ I mean a mercy killing, of course. Like those done in prisons for murderers placed under the death sentence. It would be merciful because we cut off their resources and starving would be far more painful than being injected with a lethal poison. Ah, I appear to be going off on a tangent again. My hand is starting to cramp from all this writing. I may return later tonight or maybe tomorrow morning. I have a party to go to tomorrow, a birthday party of one of my classmates. I’ll be sure to fill you in on how it goes. I will talk to you later, Diary.”
May 17th
“Hey, Diary, I apologize that I couldn’t talk to you yesterday. The party ended quite late and I fell asleep before I got a chance to tell you what happened. My desk neighbor, Suzy, turned 18 yesterday. The party was hosted at her mansion of a house and she spent almost the whole party practically licking her boyfriend’s face on the couch. Some of her friends played dumb drunks and flirted with the other boys at the party. There was no real alcohol at the party since were all minors but a handful of smokes went around for the big kids. This probably doesn’t sound like the party for me, and it wasn’t, but the whole school was invited. Suzy is that kind of girl: she doesn’t care who is there to celebrate and give her gifts as long as she gets them. Near the end of the party Suzy took her boyfriend upstairs to her room and I’ll only guess what happened there. I don’t see the appeal but most of my school does. There are probably only 20 other virgins in the building and by the end of the party maybe only 4 under this roof. I stay up quite late at night but even I was getting tired. The music was way too loud for my liking and wasn’t even a genre I enjoyed. It was at least 2 in the morning before people started heading home. I realized I was quite hungry and ended up eating some mini sandwiches from Suzy’s fridge. I doubt they would notice that the mini sandwiches were gone, and even if they did notice they wouldn’t know it was me. Other idiots were hijacking the refrigerator all night. I guess I have called myself an idiot by copying them, but a little self-awareness is always good to have. After I swallowed down my sandwiches this amazing guy started walking my way. I don’t know how I knew he was amazing saying as I had never met him, but something about his walk and his laugh and his smile. I think what appealed to me most was that he was alone, just like me. He had no guys with him, no girl wrapped around his finger, just a nice guy enjoying a birthday party. I felt awkward due to my staring but he never looked over. I don’t know how I’ve gone to the same high school this long and never have seen this- this perfect man. I found Candace in the distant back of the house and she told me his name is James. I’ve always loved the name James. Candace questioned why I wanted to know his name and laughed that he ‘wasn’t even good-looking’. I don’t know who Candace was looking at because he was one of the finest men I had ever seen. He was a bit shorter than me, but I don’t care too much for appearance; if you are a good person and good friend, I don’t care what you look like. I mean, I did care very much about his fineness, God! He was fine… And so was I, in that moment, in every moment, I was and am one of the finest. In my eyes, my ‘weirdness’ he was just as fine as me. I… seem to be drawing a blank… I don’t know when I left or when I got home but I am home now. It’s already 3 in the afternoon! I am wasting my Sunday. I’ll have to look for James at school tomorrow. I can’t seem to shake the thought of him! Those deep eyes… that laugh… I wish you were there to hear it. I will see you after school tomorrow, Diary.”
May 18th
“Diary! Oh, Diary! You will never believe it! I spent my lunchtime with James. The magnificent James! He is just brilliant, he can say anything and I fall more and more for him. In friendship, of course, Diary. We have so much in common! Such a shocking amount! It was almost planned, yes, planned. He was made for me, Diary! We have the same hobbies and skills and intellect! He despises dumb conversation as much as I do and suffers from loneliness as I do! It is almost too good to be true, no, nothing can ruin this. Perfection is defined by this boy and by me. We are both perfect people and therefore combined as an unstoppable force that cannot be reckoned with! I am getting ahead of myself; we only talked for a mere 20 minutes. Ah, but those were the best 20 minutes of my life. I cannot recall another 20 minutes that were better than those spent with my best friend James. Yes, my best friend James. He is a better friend to me than Candace and I have only known him for half an hour. That is quite sad in fact. Candace should be displeased but she won’t due to her lack of dedication to me. A true best friend would not have allowed this James to swoop in and take the spotlight. No, Candace should have defended her title. I don’t feel bad for taking it from her and giving it to James. My best friend James and I don’t have any classes together. We only get to meet for lunch but that is still daily meeting so I can’t complain, I suppose. I haven’t mentioned yet to you, Diary, that I hate sports. Or, better phrased, I hate watching sports. I play sports, which I quite enjoy, but I hate to watch. James plays football and I would kill to see him play football. As much as I truly hate watching sports, I would love to watch James play his sport. You may think I am exaggerating my hatred for sports if I will go watch a football game but I truly could not think of a more boring task. I am going to watch James. That sounds a bit like a stalker, but no, I am supporting my best friend and his team. There is nothing wrong with that! Yes, I will go to his football game tomorrow. Maybe we can get milkshakes after their victory?”
May 19th
“Hey, Diary, last night didn’t go too well. James’ team lost pretty badly and he was pretty upset. I tried to calm him down but he seemed to have forgotten me? He jerked away from me and said ‘I barely know you!’ which hit me hard. We’ve known each other for as long as I can remember. The memories we’ve shared together… meant nothing to him? I bought him something at the store before the big game but I suppose I’ll keep it for myself. The list shortens: my acquaintance James, my best friend Candace, and my deeply missed friend Jason. I’ll call Jason after I finish up with you, Diary. He must be missing me too. We were inseparable buds back in the day. Jason and xxx. We were practically conjoined. I was never seen without my bud Jason. He kept me sane. That isn’t to say I am now insane, he just kept me alive. That isn’t to say I am not alive, he just kept me happy. I guess I am neither truly happy nor sad. I don’t have that much fun anymore. Things that were fun in the past are still fun now but I don’t get to do them as often. I think it is really odd the number of depressed teenagers. It’s too early in life to be depressed. Having a job sounds really stressful so I can see how adults would be stressed and depressed, but kids? Kids should be carefree. The news is always talking about the increased number of suicides in teenagers. I could never imagine committing suicide. I mean, I could imagine it, but that’s as far as I could go. Imagination. That’s all I have most of the times. Imaginary friends, imaginary success, an imaginary life… Sometimes I really want to kill somebody but doesn’t everybody? I suppose that’s another thing that makes me weird? See, if somebody is ‘weird’ they think what they are doing is ‘normal’ but the ‘normal’ people don’t. So if I think that wanting to kill somebody every once in a while is normal, does that make me weird? If other people think it too, does that make me normal? Or is everyone weird? I would never actually kill anybody. Only crazy people do that; or people with real motive. I have no motive to kill anybody and I’m not crazy so I would never kill somebody. If I had nothing to lose that could count as a motive, but I have plenty to lose. I would lose Candace and my old buddy Jason. And I would lose my life as well due to the death penalty. I don’t want to lose my life; I am not willing to risk that. This is getting quite morbid. I’ll go to bed now. Goodnight, Diary.”